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A journey to Baba´s feet, by Sonali (Sweden) 2007
I am still processing my journey in India, very slowly. But it would take a year until I really can send you more finnished lines of my travellerstory. Maybe you will hear more from me sometime, but this is what I´ve got so far.^_^.
Baba- On one of our first days of the journey we were asked to express what we were striving to get out of the Indiatour. The strife that I was most clear with was that I wished to get closer to Baba and that was luckily (- but not without great clash!) also what the Indiatour became all about for me.
India- made a dramatic impact on my lifejourney and wiped my mind clean and ideated.
How did this happend?
My most simplest description of coming to India, is that it challenged me in all my understanding of what my life was before. It mostly challenged me in what I thought was my reality. Who am I really? Am I myself or am I just what I am an thinking of myself to be?
It was such a drama there. Whenever I moved around on my own or together with others, in order to get to know the place, we were met with one extreme situation to the other. The surrounding were full of extreme begging situations where the poor wanted to get something out of others in some way. The rich were most often carrying around on their big bellies, showing that they had succeeded in getting something out from others. Cows were blockning the streets and monkeys steeling our food. Religious worship was the loudest, and the thought about God was everywhere on the lips of the people we met and expressed in their different choosen lifestyles. To me, the existance appeared more openly extreme and openly desperate than I´ve ever met with before. It was both a relief and a scare to become more open like that and accepting of life as it is, as the journey went on.
The environment and situaiton of the land and people in India, really showed me importance of one´s behaviour and attitude towards ones inner aswell as the outer. This made me look at Yama and Niyama in new light. I made me see how much it is related to everything and everyone else. How much we effect our surroundings by our own thought and expression, as we all are closely related to each other by our Samskaras.
I experienced constant pressure from the surrounding and when it didn´t made me want to just go back home (to sweden) it made me reach out to the sollutions I could find elsewhere. As I didn´t feel safe with the external environment in finding the sollution and i didn´t want any dogma to occupy my mind, it forced me to be go inside instead, deepen my Sadhana and find the answers beyond my human senses.
There, survival seemed hard. It was harder than hard. Poverty was huge and a scream of desperation loud. What a fight for life! A successfull life seemed to only be achieved with great surrender to the great with the grace of that great entity. I understood that the secret to happiness in life, is when your are just forced to fight. Forced to live a life in the divine flow and always be dependent on that great entity and His grace, otherwise you would just be lost and forgotten, poor and desperate.
Just thinking that a country like India is blessed by the incarnations of Taraka Brahma, changes my thoughts and gives me hope. It touches me of how much the universal operator cares about this world, even when you would think that everything is lost. It moved me deeply to see what a great entity of Baba gets his inspiration from. He must have great love for love the humanity and still belive in them nomatter what.
The experience of India has touched me in a way I have never been able to be open to without that Grace that changed my life and still is. The way India touched me was different from any environment I´ve ever met with, as the impressions moved into my realisation within, instead of my understanding without. In the end, all I could hang on to, all that I knew was truly there, was the feet of my Guru. Being with Him was the only place were I felt safe, so I gave myself to Him without a choice and felt as if he He stole me from myself.
I am still processning the gift Baba gave me,
once I came to India, once I DID come closer to Him,
By only hanging on to His feet,
and reaching out my hands for Him in surrender.
BABA NAM KEVALAM.
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